Let’s Do Better

At some point, we all have to make an effort to improve our quality of life. It’s not easy and it doesn’t happen over night but we need to do it if we want to continue to grow and improve. This past Sunday I watched a sermon from Church of Highlands and one the phrases mentioned stuck out to me.

“Every day we have to choose joy.”

The reason this stuck out to me is because of the choice in wording. We have to CHOOSE joy each day. We have to make a conscious effort to walk in joy each and everyday. Emotions run high, life hits us hard, and we all struggle. That’s why making the choice to walk in joy is so important.

I’m a glass half full type of person. Unfortunately, that side of my personality clashes with my depression and anxiety. I’m usually stuck somewhere in between believing everything will work out and thinking nothing ever will! Ugh! That’s exactly why this message touched home for me. Every time I operated with the intent to stay positive no matter how my day went I saw a change. The way I viewed situations was different. I wasn’t approaching each one thinking about how bad things were, but instead thinking on how it could have been worse but wasn’t.

This is why being intentional is important. It’s not easy to shrug off financial issues, mental health problems, car problems, relationships issues, etc. These are things that could make anyone crawl back into their hole of depression. The key is to put effort into not letting these things color who you are and how to continue to operate. I’m not telling you not to feel. Cry or scream if you need to but keep pushing forward. Keep going even when it’s hard and decide to walk in joy!

Pastor Chris Hodges brought up something that really made me smile and reconsider some things. Tigger from Winnie the Pooh is so positive about his outlook. A Tigger can do anything, a Tigger is great at everything! Tigger doesn’t go into a situation doubting his ability to do it. Even when he fails at it he doesn’t sweat it, he tries again, until he can do it. That innocence allows him to see the world in a different way. At some point that was us! We believed in our ability and our potential. It’s not too late to start believing again.

I think it’s important to start reorganizing our lives in a way that allows us to live up to our potential. Steve Harvey always talks about a vision board and I believe it’s important to have one. Yes having the board is a great idea but what I want to emphasize is the vision. Some of us have gotten so caught up existing that we aren’t living anymore. Stress has become an accessory for so many people and we wear it every day. We need vision again. We need drive. We need a willingness to let go and let God. Let’s make more of an effort to be intentional. Take time to reorganize your life, your mind, your spirit, and CHOOSE to walk in joy.

Let’s do better 💕

Let me know what your vision is? What’s been stopping you from walking in joy? Let me know in the comments. I hope this post has helped you in some way. Be sure to follow my blog Vitamin Key for more!

Mr. or Ms. #MeToo

The #MeToo movement is a subject that gets a lot of people talking. It’s great that it has provided a platform for there to be more discussion about rape/sexual assault and rape culture. More women and men feel brave enough to come forward about the things they have experienced. It has been an opportunity to help each other heal and get justice for victims who felt they never could. This movement has also shown how vastly different everyone views these types of things, and to be honest it’s not a pretty sight.

Part of the issue is the lack of education. For years certain behaviors have been normalized or gone unchecked. Either people who do it knew it was bad and never got punished, or they didn’t know because the line for certain sexual offenses is so grey. Some answers aren’t so clear and can leave people wondering if the person is really guilty of a malicious act or if they’re simply ignorant to the fact that what they did was wrong. This isn’t the case for everyone but there are instances where this is the case.

There is also the issue of normalcy. Some actions are seen as okay because that’s how they have always been. When I was in junior high boys grabbing girls on their behinds was normal. It was an everyday thing and no one thought twice about it. Most of us actually laughed or playfully hit them for doing it. Even I’m guilty of it if I thought he was cool enough. Imagine that same thing happening now as an adult. Most of us would be inclined to retaliate in some way. Being 25 now, when the same thing happened to me in New Orleans I was angry, disgusted, and felt somewhat embarrassed. I wondered how or why someone thought it was okay. The problem? Normalcy. It’s what a lot of us grew up doing or let happen to us. We have to stop these things at the root before it grows into behavior we think is okay as adults.

Another issue I see is an unwillingness to change. Some people don’t want to change their behavior and will justify it in anyway they can. One of the biggest excuses? Too many women/men lie about this type of thing. Big excuse #2? Some people are just looking for a payday. Even if there are some instances of this, the likelihood is low. The vast majority of cases that we see involve celebrities. It’s much easier to use this type of logic for a celebrity, but what about a woman who gets raped by a part time worker at a fast food restaurant. Was her motivation money? The chances of that is very unlikely. As for lying, that’s something only God and the people involved really know. As outsiders it’s not really within our ability to know the complete truth. Even so, we should have the decency to afford the victim the same benefit of the doubt that some give the person being accused.

As someone who has had something like this hit very close to home, I want to see change. I want to see more victims step forward and claim their lives back from the people/person who victimized them. I want to see more survivors who are pushing forward and out of the darkness something like this brings. I know soooooo many people who have been affected by sexual assault/rape and the majority of them have never pursued the justice that they deserve. About 90% of them were too afraid to tell someone because they didn’t think anyone would believe them. Maybe 10% tried to tell someone and they didn’t believe them or they were blamed instead.

Some men are victims of sexual assault or rape, but don’t view it that way. I know several men who lost their virginity to a woman two to three times their age when they were underage. Some as young as 8 or 7. The difference? Men aren’t taught to value their bodies the same way that most women are. I believe this leads to a disconnect. They in turn grow up now valuing the bodies of others the way that they should as a result. They are taught to look at sex as a badge of honor so although some end up having their innocence taken away at very young ages, they don’t view themselves as victims. Let’s reverse that and say it’s a grown man doing the same with an 8 to 9 year old girl. The image isn’t as palatable, and that’s the problem. Neither should be palatable. Each instance is very much a problem.

What we need is a change in outlook. Too many people view this movement as an attack on them personally. The #MeToo movement is not about the perpetrator but the victims, the SURVIVORS. It’s a movement that started so that more people could come forward and break free the chains that have bound them because of rape and/or sexual assault. This isn’t about making every man (or woman) feel attacked but about empowering the men and women who had theirs taken from them. According to the NSVRC (National Sexual Violence Resource Center):

• One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives
• In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime

RAINN (The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) claims that:

• On average, there are 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States

The saddest part about these statistics is that most, if not all, of these reports are based on reported crimes and/or interviews. That means that the number is likely much higher but has gone unreported. So many people are affected by this, but are too afraid to speak up. It’s not an easy topic to discuss. Very little people actually want to but it’s important that we do. We have to stop sweeping it under the rug and acknowledge that this is a problem. Be an ear for someone who hasn’t had anyone to talk to. Be a voice for someone who hasn’t found their’s yet…or find yours. If you can’t talk to someone you know call the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673

Your voice deserves to be heard 💕

Unboxing Part 2 (Summer Haul)

Okay so as promised here is my post on my second unboxing but this time there’s a twist! The company I am trying out this time is Gwynnie Bee. Unlike Dia & Co., I didn’t try the full service because they are a bit pricier compared to my budget. Since I am trying the 30 day trial you can only try two things at a time. I’m not too upset about that because the way they do their boxing service is different.

With Dia & Co. you try on the five items sent in your box and get five days to try them on before sending them back. If you do not want everything in your box be sure to send back what you don’t want within the time frame. If you use Gwynnie Bee it acts an online closet of sorts. You are basically renting the clothes that you wear for a set price each month. If hearing the word rent turns you off, remember a lot of celebrities do essentially the same thing when attending events. So just think of yourself as an A-list celebrity trying on brands from different companies.

Gwynnie Bee allows you to pick items you really like online or using the app and you add them to your online closet. If you’re especially fond of something, be sure to mark it as top priority in order to increase the likelihood that it is what they send to you first. Their pricing is based on the number of items you can check out at a time. For example, to have three items out at a time means you would be paying $95 a month.

I will include a picture below of how the pricing works:

As you can see, the pricing is not for the faint of heart but it might be worth trying first for 30 days like I did and deciding for yourself whether it is a service you want to continue. It’s my goal to try several of these types of services and give my honest opinion of it. Besides, who doesn’t the idea of shopping made easy. Just like Dia & Co., you can send these back, exchange them, and buy them a lower retail price if you fall in love with it.

Now, time for the juicy stuff! When you receive your box it should come in a box like this:

Purple is my favorite color so I was oddly excited that my return bag was purple. Inside the box is a cute little letter, the purple return bag, and your clothes are wrapped in purple tissue paper. For my first box, I opted for two dresses. One is a denim dress and the other is a light almost washed out blue colored dress.

This is the denim dress:

Here is the other dress:

On the models both of these dresses seemed like great additions to my wardrobe. The reviews on the first dress were mixed so I decided it would be best to see for myself. I was not completely against the idea of liking it because I’ve been wanting a dress like it for a while now. The second dress had virtually no good reviews. Most of the reviews I read either centered on the fact that the corset-belt was not tight enough around the waist of the dress or they felt that the dress made them look shapeless. I held fairly high hopes for the first dress and just sent up a prayer for the second one.

Item #1- Plenty dress by Tracy Reese

Pros:
The dress itself is well made and the color is identical to the picture on the website. I also feel that if you have a fuller bosom, this dress would compliment it well and emphasize the cleavage. If you have a little more to love around the midsection, do not be afraid of this dress. It is fairly roomy in the stomach area so it will probably hug your belly without making it the focal point of your outfit.

Cons:

As you can see, this dress fit me nothing like it did the model. This dress was the one I was most excited for but did not end up liking. At first I thought maybe I had ordered a size too big but some areas were a little snug while others were loose. If I had gone down a size, I’m sure that it would be too tight. Sizing aside, the fit itself is a bit problematic. I believe that part of it has to do with my shape. The bottom half of the dress fit fairly well but the top half of the dress swallowed me. Despite my wide hips, my waist is somewhat small in comparison. This means that even though the dress was able to accommodate my hips, it was not made to fit a waist that is not as wide as the hips themselves. Some people disliked the split so I’ll mention. I personally didn’t find this to be very problematic.

Item #2- Front Tie Corset Tiered Sleeve Blue Dress‘

Pros:

If you can’t tell by my poses, I was getting my life in this dress! It gave me a medieval feel mixed with a little bit of flower child. Although some people felt that this dressed swallowed them up, I felt that it fit my body just right. There are three types of dresses that I love: flowy, body-con, and maxi. This dress had all the frills and flow I could want. It didn’t feel baggy on me or heavy. The material was nice and surprisingly had very little wrinkles on it. The dress had a very feminine feel to it and made me feel girly (contrary to popular belief, I am definitely a tomboy). If you have larger breast and don’t feel the need to emphasize your rear-end this dress leaves a good deal of room up top. I feel that one of the biggest pros is that this dress is diverse. It can fit in a lot of different style categories.

Cons:

The belted part does not tighten so if you are looking for a more cinched look, this dress is not the one for you. The color of the dress is also a little darker than the one the model is wearing.

Final Verdict:

I definitely feel that it is worth trying the 30 day trial. Getting the subscription itself is still to be determined. The biggest factor turning me away from investing in this service is the price range. While the items you receive are of great quality, the pricing is not feasible if you are on a tight budget. I also feel that the selection of items is fairly limited in terms of diversity. Most of the clothes I’ve seen appear to be for women who wear a lot of busness attire.

I do like that they apply sizing suggestions for all the clothes you look at based on the size you entered. It is also convenient to be able to see what it is that will be sent to in your next box. Having more input in what is sent to you is definitely a plus. Another upside to this service is that you can recycle the same clothes back. You can also keep the clothes for as long as you want. They even dry clean the clothes you send back you don’t have to worry about washing them yourselves. Shipping is also free so you don’t have to worry your pretty little head over that!

I will be sending back both dresses soon, so I will be sure to update you guys on the next set of clothes I receive. If you decide to try this service for yourself let me know in the comments. If there are any other services you want me to try just shoot me a comment with the name of the company. Hopefully you enjoyed this post and it was informative. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog. Don’t forget to please like, comment, share, and follow me for more content! Tell your friends, family, coworkers, or a random stranger (I’m not picky) to check out my blog as well!

 

 

QTTH aka Quick Tricks, Tips, or Hacks

Welcome to my new segment which I like to call…*drum roll*.. QTTH aka quick tricks, tips, or hacks. Every week I’ll post a few tips, maybe some tricks, and probably some hacks. It’ll be largely random so don’t expect much rhyme or reason (don’t judge). Instead I’ll be sure to post some things I found have helped me. I might even try some new things and let you know whether they’re even worth trying yourself and possibly give a better alternative for it. With that being said, let’s get into it!

Tip #1:

I don’t know about anyone else but when you eat eggs there is a fine balance between underseasoned and overseasoned: and there is nothing worse than eating eggs that have been overseasoned. Faced with this issue what do you do?! It’s simple! When you crack your eggs and place it in the bowl done scramble them up yet.

They shouldn’t look like this:

They should look like this:

The reason I do this is because I can see how evenly my seasoning is being spread. Now, take a pinch of salt and spring it on each individual egg yolk. You should be able to see how much salt is on each yolk. For me, a pinch and a half is the sweet spot. Take on pinch and sprinkle a little evenly on each yolk. Then take a half a pinch and sprinkle it in the areas around the yolk. Now you can scramble it in the bowl or in the pan itself. You should end up with scrambled eggs that are delicious each time. If they aren’t salty enough for you, add half a pinch of salt more each time until it’s salty enough for you. Since I’ve started doing this, my eggs are seasoned right every time.

Tip #2

Eating healthier is something I think most of us struggle with. One of the first things you learn when changing up your diet is healthier options for what you usually eat. An example of this is substituting ground turkey for ground beef. For instance, if you’re making spaghetti, you would sub out ground beef for ground turkey.

If you’re like me, that’s a great idea in theory, but I am not a huge fan of the taste of ground turkey. Sliced turkey is a wonderful thing but ground turkey as a substitute just feels wrong to me. It’s quite the dilemma. One day I found myself in the grocery store and low and behold I came across beef bouillon. For those of you who do not know, bouillon cubes are cubes of concentrated stock, used for making bouillon. It can also be found in a powder form that is easier to use. Bouillon is

a broth made by stewing meat, fish, or vegetables in water.

In other words beef bouillon and beef bouillon cubes are a wonderful thing that should not be underestimated. I’ve used chicken bouillon cubes in the past but never had a need for beef bouillon cubes. Since you know, I was eating as much beef as I wanted. Alas, a change in my diet meant I needed to cut back on beef. The great thing about ground turkey is that is cooks without hardly any grease (if any) and it’s actually easier to cook with. It takes way more effort to burn ground turkey. Just in case you want to try this tip out and don’t know what you’re looking for here’s an example of what it looks like:

Pictured below is the wonderful beef bouillon in powder form:

You can usually find it in any grocery store but not always in the same section. Typically they can be found on the aisle where seasonings are or broths and stocks.

When you use bouillon you don’t have to use a lot because the flavor goes a looong way. When you incorporate it in your ground turkey be sure to work it in with your hands so that the flavor is spread throughout the meat. DO NOT be afraid to get your hands dirty. The darkness of the bouillon contrasts well with the lightness of turkey so you’re able to see how much you’ve sprinkled over the meat.

You can also try adding a few drops of Worcestershire sauce or liquid smoke. Liquid smoke is a magical bottle of hopes and dreams that does wonders for all sorts of meat but only use it and the Worcestershire sauce for things like burgers, hotdogs, or bbq types of meats. Beef bouillon is diverse in that it can be used for burgers, pasta dishes, turkey loaf, or pretty much anything you would use ground turkey for. I’ll drop a picture of liquid smoke below for you to see:

Last but not least is tip#3:

This last tip is for those of us who use thick lotion like me. With my eczema it is extremely necessary for me to use a lotion with a formula that is thick. It has to be thick so that it lasts long and moisturizes deep. The downside of that is that it’s so thick it’s hard to spread and as a result I use waaay more than I want to. What I find helps me, is using something we all should have in our house and is completely free!

*deep breath* Water

Yes, water! The key is to not use a lot but just enough to help spread out the lotion on water body part you’re moisturizing at the time. I use a spray bottle to make things easier.

What I do is squirt some lotion on my hand and apply to what I’m moisturizing. Once applied, spray the water twice on the area with the lotion and on the places surrounding it that you need to lotion. You can also pour about a cap full of water if you don’t have a spray bottle. Don’t go overboard! You don’t want to thin out your lotion too much since it will defeat the purpose.

Something I also use is oil or oil gel. If you want the benefits of the magnificent glow that oil provides without that extra greasy feeling, I suggest diffusing it with your lotion. Try to shy away from mixing it with your strongly scented lotions. Instead opt for lotions that are unscented or that have a small scent that won’t be very overpowering. All you need a one or two nickel-sized drops in the middle of your palm where your lotion is.

My personal

favorites to use are:

What I love about the last two are that you can use them for hair, nails, and scalp. It’s more bang for your buck and when you use it for your skin, adding it to your lotion stretches it for longer.

I hope these tips for helpful! If so let me know in the comments below. Don’t be afraid to leave a comment if there are any tips you want to request. Also, please like, comment, share, and follow!

Love You Without Hating Them

This post is inspired by a comment I saw recently on Instagram. Someone commented “this is what real women look like” on a post of a plus size blogger. Now I realize this was meant to be a compliment and it was meant as a way to uplift. I did not misunderstand the intent but still felt unsettled by it. Phrases like “real women” and “real bodies” are terms that have never really sat right with me because they are usually made in reference to plus size women or women who have a little more to love around the midsection.

As many of you know, I am a body positivity activist. I want people to love their bodies: period. While I do advocate for plus size people, that is mostly as a result of the fact that I am plus size myself. I recognize the need for people like me to see themselves represented in a positive way so that they can learn to feel the same about themselves. That does not mean that this desire extends ONLY to plus sized people.

There are many people who do not have positive body images of themselves. This problem is relevant to many people and is an issue that I recognize is not only relevant to one type of person. So when I hear or read things that emphasize any one body type as being “real” it makes me uncomfortable. It allows for a line to be drawn in the sand that helps no one but could potentially harm a lot of people. The image below is an example that shows just how diverse beauty can be. Which of them represents real beauty? Trick question. They all do. Every woman in this picture is a real woman that represents a real body that other women can identify with and see themselves in.

The body positivity movement was largely born as a result of a need for acceptance: self-acceptance and making society see that it needs to accept more body types as being beautiful. People who don’t fit society’s static idea of beauty wanted to see a shift in the narrative of what can and should be considered beautiful. The problem is, in an effort to fight for that acceptance, we isolate other people who fit into the traditional idea of beauty.

You’ve seen it before: skinny girl fat shames plus sized girl and/or plus sized girl shames skinny girl for being skinny. The fixation society has with pitting women against each other is sad. You see it all the time with movies. The skinny girl is made to be the bully and the fluffier girl is written as a character who is bullied. It’s no wonder that real life imitates this very toxic relationship. The difference is, now the bullying is being done by both parties and hiding behind a mask of positivity.

This leads me back to my original point about “real women” and “real bodies”. Who defines what real is? What makes me with all of my fluff, a more realistic version of what women look like? The very idea of what real women look like is flawed because we are all different. Not only that, but it rests more on the idea that women who don’t fit traditional ideas of beauty are flawed and therefore more authentic. It embraces the idea that a real woman is not the model you see on runways or on the cover of magazines. It excludes these women without considering their feelings and own issues with body image. It adds to the narrative instead of creating a new one.

I have a best friend who is skinny but eats like a horse. That is no exaggeration. She can eat me under the table any day and it’s largely because of genetics. Her metabolism is extremely fast so even if she slacks off from the gym for a couple of months, she’d be hard pressed to even gain a pound. By all accounts she checks off the list of all the things that make up a traditional beauty: thin but curvy, short but can photograph tall, gorgeous skin, and lovely hair. Still, as beautiful as she is, she struggles with body image. To others the very idea of someone like her not oozing self-confidence comes as a huge surprise, but it’s not uncommon for most women to struggle with body image.

Being plus sized does not mean we are the only ones who struggle to find the beauty in ourselves. Our struggle does not give us the right to insult other women or put them down in order to build ourselves up. A real woman is everyone woman. A real body is everybody. Our journey to self-love cannot be taken by putting down other people to do it. Body-shaming doesn’t just happen to women who are plus sized, it can also happen in the reverse. Placing your insecurities on others is unfair and whatever confidence is built as a result will be based on an extremely faulty foundation. All women are beautiful.

What we should strive for is inclusiveness not separation. I want to expand the idea of what is beautiful by helping others see their beautiful. You read that right. Their beautiful. Your beautiful. Own it and flaunt your beautiful. There is no one type of beauty, no “real beauty” or “real body”, but a beauty that is uniquely your own.

It’s possible to love yourself and not put down others in the process.